Finding a frugal mate

Mateby Celeste LeibowitzHow to find your frugal soul mate If you want to prosper and thrive, get married and staymarried like 92% of America's millionaires. But don't justmarry the first person that comes along. Choose the rightmate, and live frugally ever after. In "The Millionaire Mind," author Thomas J. Stanley devotes anentire chapter to the importance of marrying the right person.Why? First, divorce is financially devastating. All yourefforts to save and live a thrifty lifestyle can be negated bydivorce. Even a no-fault "simple" divorce will cost you farmore than the "low, low fee," because you'll have to maintaintwo separate households where one would have been sufficient. No one can guarantee that your marriage will last, but you canreduce the likelihood of a breakup and increase your happinessquotient by finding a mate as frugal as you are. Of all theissues that couples fight about, money is high on the list.Eliminate money as a source of dissension, and you'veeliminated many marital spats. What are some of the clues that you've found a frugal soulmate? Here's what Bruce, my husband of 21 years, told me inthe first year of our marriage: "One thing I really likedabout you was that you treated my money as if it was yourown." His jaw dropped when I sweetly replied, "And now it is!" When he retrieved and replaced his lower jaw, Bruce explainedthat he noticed I was cautious when ordering in restaurants. Iordered modestly priced meals and didn't force him to breakhis budget when treating me. Here are some other signs of a frugal date: 1. When you compliment her on a new outfit, you hear, "Thanks!I got it at the thrift shop (or yard sale). Best $5 I everspent!" 2. He bikes to work. Not only will his frequent exercise saveon medical bills, but this saves the cost of gas and upkeep onthe car, too. 3. Your date is Mr. or Ms. Fix-It. A handy person can savethousands of dollars on home repairs. Someone who took thetrouble to learn these skills knows the value of DIY (do ityourself). 4. You see a copy of "The Dollar Stretcher" around the houseor protruding from a jacket pocket or tote bag. Find this person, and if the other aspects of his/herpersonality check out, you're on your way to a lifetime offrugal wedded bliss. What should you avoid? Certainly, no matter how hot thechemistry, you'll want to steer away from a person who isperpetually in debt. If her motto is "When the going getstough, the tough go shopping," run the other way. Similarly,the person with a house full of expensive, trendy clothes and"toys" isn't going to change his spending habits the minuteyou tie the knot. Aside from steering clear of obvious spendthrifts, be carefulalso of people who call themselves frugal but are simplycheap. Watch out for these red flags: 1. Tax evasion is not "frugal." It's against the law. Thefines are steep, prison is a possibility, and you'll be introuble too if you sign a joint return. 2. Failure to tip is not "frugal" either. It's cheap and rude.If your date can't afford to leave a tip, buy take out or cookat home. Don't penalize an innocent waitperson in the name of"frugality." 3. The person who spends freely on herself but doesn't sharewith you isn't going to view marital finance as a team effort.Beware. 4. Watch out for the "frugal" guy who sponges off of you inorder to save his own money. When I was studying for the barexam, a man at my table asked to read my newspaper every day.He bragged, "I haven't bought a newspaper in over seven years,and I've saved enough to go to Europe." This man tookadvantage of people around him, making him a poor marriagerisk. 5. Stay far away from a person who insists on tit for tat whencircumstances force him to spend money on you. Mike, the sameman who bragged to me that his jeans cost $100 (worth $315 intoday's money), always insisted on going Dutch. One evening, Ifell ill while we were out and was too indisposed to take thesubway home. Mike grudgingly paid for a taxi to take me home.On our next date, he was determined to make me pay my "debt."It was a raw, drizzly day, but he insisted we walk to the lateWorld Trade Center. Once we arrived, he fussed until I agreedto pay for both tickets to the Observation Tower. Visibilitywas 0-2 miles, meaning all we would see was gray fog. Despitemy protests that this was a deliberate waste of money, Mikewould not be deterred. Is anyone wondering why he didn'tbecome my husband? We all have checklists for the ideal mate. Put "frugality"high on yours, and look for that special person whose approachto money matches your own. Then fall in love and cherish eachother for as long as you both shall live.

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